Again, an anonymous one that I read in one of my magazines recently.
"Keep in mind that when accepting an apology, you're essentially saying, "Thank you, I'm going to get over it." Then do."
I find forgiveness to be tough. Not because I want to remain angry, but because I can't seem to forget. If you want to learn from mistakes, don't you have to remember them? Not just your own mistakes, but if someone else hurts you? That whole "shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice" thing. But then there's the opposite end of that philosophy that you have to forget to forgive. You have to really let it go. Whatever it is.
I think women tend to be worse at this than men. We may forgive, but never seem to forget. Men, god bless 'em, seem to forget, so the forgiveness seems easier. Though this is clearly not always true, it does seem to me that women remember more, and therefore are perceived as holding grudges more than men. Maybe it's also because we tend to not be as confrontational? Men have it out right away and then get a beer. Women hold the frustration to the boiling point all too often and then blow up at each other. I know I am completely generalizing here, but overall, I do find this to be true. And honestly, men, I think this can be one of your best qualities! So take it as a compliment!
I was thinking about this last night, and I have had pretty major fights will all of my absolute closest friends at some point in my life. (Men and women) If I've had a good fight with you, there's a decent chance you will be in my wedding someday. (You know, when I'm 80 and find somebody.) In all of those cases, I have absolutely forgiven, but it's not always as instantaneous as I'd like it to be. And it's taken a lot of growing up to realize that holding on to any of that stuff really gets me nowhere. Whether it's blaming myself or them. I have to let it go. Sometimes when I practice yoga, I do something one of my amazing teachers suggested - for every inhalation say the word "let" in your head (or out loud) and for every exhalation say "go." And keep saying it until you believe it. So cheesy, but so helpful.
Anyway, to those I've had fights with, I accept your apologies whole-heartedly and I sincerely hope you've accepted mine. To those I haven't fought with yet, remind me of this quote when we make up over cocktails, ok?!
Breathe in: Let. . .
Breathe out: Go. . . .
