Edna St Vincent Millay was an American poet, playwright and feminist. She once won the Pulitzer Prize, and was known not only for her activism but also her many love affairs. Even within her longest, and arguably most successful marriage, she had open affairs with other people. That being said, I'm not sure who or what this quote is about. In fact, it might even be from her writing. Since I don't know her material at all, I have no idea. All I know is that it sums up how I feel these days.
"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell."
The particular break up I'm dealing with right now wasn't about falling out of love. It wasn't about cheating. It wasn't about an argument. In a nutshell, it's a horrible situation that doesn't involve me, but affects me. And it has made the man I loved turn into a shell of who he has the potential to be, who he was with me. That being said, it feels like a death. It feels like that man that I loved has left the planet. I feel a "hole in the world". Definitely a hole in my world.
Aside from the obvious feelings of just missing somebody, there is that impulse to call, reach out, email, text, whatever. When you get good news, the first person you want to tell. . . and then you remember that person isn't there anymore. When something upsets you, the first person you know will make you see things more clearly, and then the reality hits that that person is gone. Those constant little check ins that we all have, particularly with close relations and lovers. And then there's the really painful one - when you roll over in bed to literally reach out for them, only to feel the cold, empty sheet beside you.
I definitely know I am loved and have an amazing group of friends and family. And thank GOD for them. But I'd made space in my life for a love. And now that space is empty. I know eventually I will fill that space. Either with other activities, other friends, hopefully even other loves. But for now, it's a wound. That gaping wound can't be cured or healed with a simple band aid. . . all that will work to heal it is time.
Edna, I feel your pain. There is a hole in my world for sure. And I can't wait for that hole to just be a battle scar.
